(no subject)
My daddy died today.
Nov. 15th, 2009
(no subject)
So tonight, my ex accused me of being the most negative person, ever.
So tonight, I was at the most awesomest party, ever.
So tonight, as the party was ending, one of the boys, drunk as a saint, decided to ride off on his motorcycle.
As he left, there was one man there, collecting cans.
As he left, one of the boys, drunk as a saint, punched that man.
As he left, one of the boys, drunk as a saint, grabbed the man's cans, and rode off like it was a mother fucking rodeo.
He shamed that man, in front of God and everyone.
And as my brother left...
As he left, even his friends, even his brothers, said...
"Dude, WTF".
And as he left, after punching the man, and stealing the man's cans....
And after he left, after punching the man, I ( and only I...) walked up to the man, and I said...
I said...
"I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry my friend, a man, a brother of my tribe, is an asshole. But you have to know that if he treated you like that, he must hate himself more than you or I know."
I said that.
And the man said to me, as a man, a brother of my tribe, an asshole, rode off into the night...
He said...
"One love, brother. One fight."
And so I ask you, all of you...
How negative am I?
And who DO you love?
FTW.
One love. One fight...
One love, One fight.
FTW.
So tonight, I was at the most awesomest party, ever.
So tonight, as the party was ending, one of the boys, drunk as a saint, decided to ride off on his motorcycle.
As he left, there was one man there, collecting cans.
As he left, one of the boys, drunk as a saint, punched that man.
As he left, one of the boys, drunk as a saint, grabbed the man's cans, and rode off like it was a mother fucking rodeo.
He shamed that man, in front of God and everyone.
And as my brother left...
As he left, even his friends, even his brothers, said...
"Dude, WTF".
And as he left, after punching the man, and stealing the man's cans....
And after he left, after punching the man, I ( and only I...) walked up to the man, and I said...
I said...
"I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry my friend, a man, a brother of my tribe, is an asshole. But you have to know that if he treated you like that, he must hate himself more than you or I know."
I said that.
And the man said to me, as a man, a brother of my tribe, an asshole, rode off into the night...
He said...
"One love, brother. One fight."
And so I ask you, all of you...
How negative am I?
And who DO you love?
FTW.
One love. One fight...
One love, One fight.
FTW.
Nov. 2nd, 2009
(no subject)
Just a random heads-up that I will be in Denver this weekend (Friday-Monday), because I felt an extreme need to get the hell out of here, but I also want to see Skinny Puppy.
Will prolly spend an inordinate amount of time at Paris and Netherworld, as per usual.
Hit me up if you want a hook up.
Will prolly spend an inordinate amount of time at Paris and Netherworld, as per usual.
Hit me up if you want a hook up.
Oct. 21st, 2009
(no subject)
So today, the psychiatrist I went to see to look into medication told me that:
1. I drink too much to go on medication.
2. He doesn't believe I will stop drinking enough to try medication.
3. He most likely won't prescribe medication.
I'm starting to understand why Rachel jumped off a bridge. If this is the type of treatment that manic-depressives get when they reach out for treatment, I can see how becoming discouraged would be very, very easy.
The gentleman in question also dropped these gems:
1. "You look very dramatic. Are there more of you?"
2. "I'd consider prescribing MDMA, but that's another generation's drug. You aren't a raver."
3. He referred to becoming drunk as "Having an episode".
4. He asked me if I had been sexually active with my girlfriend of three years. After I responded in the affirmative, he followed with: "And what about before that?"
1. I drink too much to go on medication.
2. He doesn't believe I will stop drinking enough to try medication.
3. He most likely won't prescribe medication.
I'm starting to understand why Rachel jumped off a bridge. If this is the type of treatment that manic-depressives get when they reach out for treatment, I can see how becoming discouraged would be very, very easy.
The gentleman in question also dropped these gems:
1. "You look very dramatic. Are there more of you?"
2. "I'd consider prescribing MDMA, but that's another generation's drug. You aren't a raver."
3. He referred to becoming drunk as "Having an episode".
4. He asked me if I had been sexually active with my girlfriend of three years. After I responded in the affirmative, he followed with: "And what about before that?"
Oct. 12th, 2009
(no subject)
Okay, I just have to say it:
This picture might not convey the image you want to convey, should you post it on a singles site.
I'm not judging, I'm just sayin'.
This picture might not convey the image you want to convey, should you post it on a singles site.
I'm not judging, I'm just sayin'.
Oct. 4th, 2009
I do not want what I haven't got
I'm still at a point where I can't write about my ex. I need to process this, just to get it out, and move on with my life. But now is not yet the time. Now is a time to work on me, and drag myself out of the depths that holding on to a drowning girl pulled me into.
But damn if the fable about the little dog with a bone in it's mouth isn't a recurring theme in my lovelife.
Rachel did it, Kali did it, my lovers just keep doing it.
Which makes me suspect, for one, that I've lost track of what a lover should be like, for one.
For another, it's got me thinking about the difference between self-destruction and discipline.
Sometimes, reaching for something better is the right thing to do; it's self-confidence, and pride, and good, healthy ambition. Sometime you reach for something better, because now is the time to grasp it, and you've put in the work, and if you don't quite have something in your hands yet, you still know you've earned it.
Other times, it's just a reaction to the screaming demands of your own arrogance, which is only covering for your self-hatred. At that point, reaching for something more than what you have is usually the result of confusing luck with skill, happenstance with timing, and attitude with inner balance. Sometimes you reach for something "better" because nothing, ever, can make you feel worthy. So once you have one thing, all you want is to chase the next, "better" thing.
I've been both people, at one time or another, and as a result of that, I've learned that the easiest way to tell the difference between the two is by seeing what you have in your hands a day, a month, a year, after you reach for something "better".
And so, regret is born, like a bitter star darkening your memory's sky.
And you better get used to it, if you're gonna be a dick.
But damn if the fable about the little dog with a bone in it's mouth isn't a recurring theme in my lovelife.
Rachel did it, Kali did it, my lovers just keep doing it.
Which makes me suspect, for one, that I've lost track of what a lover should be like, for one.
For another, it's got me thinking about the difference between self-destruction and discipline.
Sometimes, reaching for something better is the right thing to do; it's self-confidence, and pride, and good, healthy ambition. Sometime you reach for something better, because now is the time to grasp it, and you've put in the work, and if you don't quite have something in your hands yet, you still know you've earned it.
Other times, it's just a reaction to the screaming demands of your own arrogance, which is only covering for your self-hatred. At that point, reaching for something more than what you have is usually the result of confusing luck with skill, happenstance with timing, and attitude with inner balance. Sometimes you reach for something "better" because nothing, ever, can make you feel worthy. So once you have one thing, all you want is to chase the next, "better" thing.
I've been both people, at one time or another, and as a result of that, I've learned that the easiest way to tell the difference between the two is by seeing what you have in your hands a day, a month, a year, after you reach for something "better".
And so, regret is born, like a bitter star darkening your memory's sky.
And you better get used to it, if you're gonna be a dick.
Oct. 3rd, 2009
(no subject)
Hello internet, and fuck you.
As of now, due to a deep, pervasive suspicion that the web is beginning to deeply suck, I will no longer be linking Twitter to my LJ.
I apologize, deeply, for assisting in The Downfall of Western Civilization, Part III.
Why would i do this? And more so, why would I take the time to explicitly document my reasons for doing so? There are several reasons. For one, between Facebook, MySpace, SuicideGirls and Twitter, my web-based interactions are starting to leave me feeling more isolated rather than less. The terminology of "friends", and "follow", and "fan", has always stuck in my craw. We are not friends, we are not followers, we are not fans. We are people seeking company, contact, perhaps even context in a rapidly devolving culture. Western society, specifically in America, is rapidly embracing zero-content modes of social interaction. At least within the isolated, social dead zone of the internet, we seem to be developing standards whereby a person's perceived personality is based more on their tats, tits, twats, and twits more than it is based on their substance as an individual. And as time goes on, I see this permeating society insidiously, in many small but disgusting ways. For example, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but if you turned your Twitter userpic green to show your support of the Iranian protesters, then you should know that doing so just made you look like more of a naive, lazy, entitled Westerner that you did before you clicked that link and changed your location to Tehran, narcissistically believeing that the high-angle userpic which exaggerated your boobs while minimizing your babyfat had a chance in hell of fooling a SAVAMA operative. From another perspective, I'me tired of adding you on MySpace and getting a badly photoshopped thank you .gif as a response; if I'm adding you on MySpace, it's beacause your high-angle userpic technique makes me want to have sex with you, and I'd appreciate that being acknowleged. Just say "Yes I want it inside me" or "Not a chance, loser". Don't pretend you're a rockstar with a legion of adoring fans; it will only make your hours as a barrista seem that more incomprehensible.
The Internet is making us stupid, and for myself (in at least in some small way), I intend to minimize my footprint.
I believe that the separation of blogs (potentially high-content information outlets) and social networking sites (implicitly designed to be as low-content as is feasible) is an important step to take, at least on a personal improvemnet level. As far as LJ is concerned, I enjoy this community for the depth of insight it gives me into the personality of friends, as well as those of some very interesting strangers. I've become tired of watching it be reduced to dumping ground for other website's content; With the proliferation of Twitter feeds, Livejournal has become diluted by the junk mail of the internet, flooded by the shallow soundbites that seem so pervasive on the web.
But at least it's not Facebook, where the social gaming apps leave a snail trail of their viral marketing techniques all over my "wall" like the drool of a homeless crackhead trickling down the thighs of a dead hooker (Sorry, MySpace, but you are, as a friend so aptly described you, the Detroit of the internet: half of you is on fire, and no one wants to visit you anymore). Working in the industry that I do, I have more insight into the utter lack of foresight that these companies have. There is no consideration of quality, social benefit, or even long-term user experience. They are, each and all, merely trying to increase their own market share (often by blatantly imitating their failed competitors last attempt) in the quest for monetization, often at the expense of their own users.
Society is not being fucked for "the bottom line" of some monolithic corporation; that was the old horror. The new horror is that society is being fucked over, watered-down, and covered in glitter or sheep-hurling pirate mafiosi in the hope that the unrealistic dreamer-sociopaths of these mislabeled "social-networking" sites may someday have a bottom line.
I hate to date myself, or embrace the "get off of my lawn, you damn kids!" mentality, but there are swaths of the net where a high-angle photo, or cheesecake shots of your boobs, or your snark, or simply your dedication to Sparklemotion define and encapsulate an image of yourself that you would prefer to project unto the world.
I like Livejournal, and I like blogs, and I adore personal websites where people go to the trouble of expressing themselves. And if you express it on your site, I don't care if you throw your boobs around, show off your tats, or fill it chock-full of imbecilic, 140-character haiku-of-lame. I don't care if you fill it with schadenfreude, or glitter, or use it to archive photos of Goatse, because that, at least, tells me who you really are, what you're into, and how deep or shallow your spirit and passions run. Livejournal is one of the few community sites where what you say and think is the measure and definition of you, and despite SixApart's failed attempts at generating ad revenue, the Livejournal staff has completely failed to make me feel like Madison Avenue has vomited on me when I hit the homepage.
I love the fact that I have no idea what the fuck most of you look like, except for those of you I want to fuck simply because of the lives you lead, the thoughts you express, or the way you write. I would like to see what you look like. :)
And if you are so inclined, follow suit. Separate content from null content; join The Glorious Revolution. And even if you aren't so inclined, think about it for a second: it's simply polite to stop splashing your twit/stwats. all over LJ. If I want to see your twitters, it's only a URL away. And if politeness doesn't matter to you, have some self-respect; realize that Twitter was designed the way it was because most poeple don't THINK. You're limited to 140 characters because some egghead assumed you didn't need any more than that to communicate.
And really, if you can be best summarized in less than 141 characters of text, I doubt I really care.
--cheers
Indigo
As of now, due to a deep, pervasive suspicion that the web is beginning to deeply suck, I will no longer be linking Twitter to my LJ.
I apologize, deeply, for assisting in The Downfall of Western Civilization, Part III.
Why would i do this? And more so, why would I take the time to explicitly document my reasons for doing so? There are several reasons. For one, between Facebook, MySpace, SuicideGirls and Twitter, my web-based interactions are starting to leave me feeling more isolated rather than less. The terminology of "friends", and "follow", and "fan", has always stuck in my craw. We are not friends, we are not followers, we are not fans. We are people seeking company, contact, perhaps even context in a rapidly devolving culture. Western society, specifically in America, is rapidly embracing zero-content modes of social interaction. At least within the isolated, social dead zone of the internet, we seem to be developing standards whereby a person's perceived personality is based more on their tats, tits, twats, and twits more than it is based on their substance as an individual. And as time goes on, I see this permeating society insidiously, in many small but disgusting ways. For example, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but if you turned your Twitter userpic green to show your support of the Iranian protesters, then you should know that doing so just made you look like more of a naive, lazy, entitled Westerner that you did before you clicked that link and changed your location to Tehran, narcissistically believeing that the high-angle userpic which exaggerated your boobs while minimizing your babyfat had a chance in hell of fooling a SAVAMA operative. From another perspective, I'me tired of adding you on MySpace and getting a badly photoshopped thank you .gif as a response; if I'm adding you on MySpace, it's beacause your high-angle userpic technique makes me want to have sex with you, and I'd appreciate that being acknowleged. Just say "Yes I want it inside me" or "Not a chance, loser". Don't pretend you're a rockstar with a legion of adoring fans; it will only make your hours as a barrista seem that more incomprehensible.
The Internet is making us stupid, and for myself (in at least in some small way), I intend to minimize my footprint.
I believe that the separation of blogs (potentially high-content information outlets) and social networking sites (implicitly designed to be as low-content as is feasible) is an important step to take, at least on a personal improvemnet level. As far as LJ is concerned, I enjoy this community for the depth of insight it gives me into the personality of friends, as well as those of some very interesting strangers. I've become tired of watching it be reduced to dumping ground for other website's content; With the proliferation of Twitter feeds, Livejournal has become diluted by the junk mail of the internet, flooded by the shallow soundbites that seem so pervasive on the web.
But at least it's not Facebook, where the social gaming apps leave a snail trail of their viral marketing techniques all over my "wall" like the drool of a homeless crackhead trickling down the thighs of a dead hooker (Sorry, MySpace, but you are, as a friend so aptly described you, the Detroit of the internet: half of you is on fire, and no one wants to visit you anymore). Working in the industry that I do, I have more insight into the utter lack of foresight that these companies have. There is no consideration of quality, social benefit, or even long-term user experience. They are, each and all, merely trying to increase their own market share (often by blatantly imitating their failed competitors last attempt) in the quest for monetization, often at the expense of their own users.
Society is not being fucked for "the bottom line" of some monolithic corporation; that was the old horror. The new horror is that society is being fucked over, watered-down, and covered in glitter or sheep-hurling pirate mafiosi in the hope that the unrealistic dreamer-sociopaths of these mislabeled "social-networking" sites may someday have a bottom line.
I hate to date myself, or embrace the "get off of my lawn, you damn kids!" mentality, but there are swaths of the net where a high-angle photo, or cheesecake shots of your boobs, or your snark, or simply your dedication to Sparklemotion define and encapsulate an image of yourself that you would prefer to project unto the world.
I like Livejournal, and I like blogs, and I adore personal websites where people go to the trouble of expressing themselves. And if you express it on your site, I don't care if you throw your boobs around, show off your tats, or fill it chock-full of imbecilic, 140-character haiku-of-lame. I don't care if you fill it with schadenfreude, or glitter, or use it to archive photos of Goatse, because that, at least, tells me who you really are, what you're into, and how deep or shallow your spirit and passions run. Livejournal is one of the few community sites where what you say and think is the measure and definition of you, and despite SixApart's failed attempts at generating ad revenue, the Livejournal staff has completely failed to make me feel like Madison Avenue has vomited on me when I hit the homepage.
I love the fact that I have no idea what the fuck most of you look like, except for those of you I want to fuck simply because of the lives you lead, the thoughts you express, or the way you write. I would like to see what you look like. :)
And if you are so inclined, follow suit. Separate content from null content; join The Glorious Revolution. And even if you aren't so inclined, think about it for a second: it's simply polite to stop splashing your twit/stwats. all over LJ. If I want to see your twitters, it's only a URL away. And if politeness doesn't matter to you, have some self-respect; realize that Twitter was designed the way it was because most poeple don't THINK. You're limited to 140 characters because some egghead assumed you didn't need any more than that to communicate.
And really, if you can be best summarized in less than 141 characters of text, I doubt I really care.
--cheers
Indigo
Sep. 29th, 2009
(no subject)
- 00:51 Oh, Folsom. Only on this day can SF keep up wth me. Drunk as hell, but not aggro. Plz to send sex and food to my Oakland bunker, plz. #
- 01:00 Srsly. So hungry. Will fuck for nachos. #
- 19:18 @Phreddiva HAPPY BIRFDAY PHRED!!! #
Sep. 28th, 2009
(no subject)
- 13:48 Folsom bound, to get my drunken fag-haggery on. #
Sep. 27th, 2009
(no subject)
- 21:45 @apocalpse_meow unless you follow that by explaining the you dug your escape tunnel by using your pelvis as a jackhammer, of course. #
- 23:06 Dear christ, the dirty south is dirty. Hanging with the people I would have grown up beside right now. Dear dirty fuck but this is painful. #
Sep. 26th, 2009
(no subject)
- 19:04 What are the Bay Area haps tonight? Is this one of those DOOM weekends when nothing happens until Folsom? #
Sep. 25th, 2009
Sep. 24th, 2009
(no subject)
- 18:39 Fuck today. Fuck it in it's neck. #
- 22:10 There's something very odd about being given imaginary money as your raise. #
Sep. 22nd, 2009
(no subject)
I spent the weekend on a mini-vacation in Portland, and it was awesome. Firedancing strippers, bacon-maple bars for breakfast, Stumptown coffee, an awesomely coincidental RevCo show, and a run-in with Immedia I mean, "Blownload" at Dante's...
Minus the requisite drama involved in travelling with my ex-girlfriend, it was good.
And it's gotten me to thinking that it's time to start forcing myself to have fun again, and to travel, and to not just work myself to death all day only to crawl back into my bunker and hide. It's gotten me thinking that rather than self-medicating with tequila, it might be time to start medicating with actual medicine, from an actual psychiatrist.
It's gotten me thinking that depression makes having fun and enjoying your life into a whole lot of work; but being depressed is a full-time job of it's own. I'd rather be working towards being in a better place, than working hard to stay right where I am.
And yes, I said "fire-dancing strippers".
Minus the requisite drama involved in travelling with my ex-girlfriend, it was good.
And it's gotten me to thinking that it's time to start forcing myself to have fun again, and to travel, and to not just work myself to death all day only to crawl back into my bunker and hide. It's gotten me thinking that rather than self-medicating with tequila, it might be time to start medicating with actual medicine, from an actual psychiatrist.
It's gotten me thinking that depression makes having fun and enjoying your life into a whole lot of work; but being depressed is a full-time job of it's own. I'd rather be working towards being in a better place, than working hard to stay right where I am.
And yes, I said "fire-dancing strippers".
Sep. 21st, 2009
(no subject)
- 16:29 Man. I am so almost relaxed. Mini vacations rock. #
Sep. 20th, 2009
(no subject)
- 15:29 OMFG PDX bacon maple bars, bizzatch! #
- 21:49 Ten dollar filet mignon, booze, and strippers. I love you, PDX! #
- 22:31 Revco at Dante's in Portland tomorrow! Epic coincidence WIN! #
Sep. 19th, 2009
Sep. 18th, 2009
(no subject)
- 01:21 My company is hiring designers/animators. If you have Flash/Illustrator experience, and want to work for a kick-ass company, gimme a ping. #
- 01:22 We are also looking for Actionscript Developers. Please to be knowing what a Singleton is, and how to use one. :) #
- 02:10 @mediapathic Yeah I love how I unapologetically demand people know what I learned a week ago. #
Sep. 17th, 2009
(no subject)
My company is hiring graphic designers/animators. If you have Flash/Illustrator experience, and want to work for a kick-ass company, gimme a ping.
Sep. 16th, 2009
(no subject)
- 00:54 Once upon a time, I broke up with the wildest, sweetest, most beautiful girl. She couldn't keep up. So sad. The war goes on without us. #
- 01:21 And now, I am bored with whores. And yes that probably means you, too. Especially if you've posed naked on the internet. Poseur. #
- 23:13 ROTD: If Total Eclipse Of The Heart reminds you of your last relationship, you probably fucked up your last relationship. #
- 23:17 @beautydestroyed : Gratzi for the gratuitous Oz comment. #
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